Eurovision Song Contest 2016: The worst three

Now we know the finalists of the 2016 Eurovision Song Contest, we’ve picked the three songs we think will be hoping to avoid nil points in Stockholm on Saturday night.

Russia

Song: You Are The Only One

Performed by: Sergey Lazarev

We’ve listened to this track a lot and we wanted to love it but unfortunately it’s one of our least favourites. It has a gay disco vibe to it, with synth melodies and a pulsating rhythm but ultimately it’s too similar to last year’s winning song, Heroes, by Mans Zelmerlöw. Even the staging of the performance is almost identical with Lazarev stood in front of a screen, interacting with the images being projected onto it.

Maybe Russia are just following a proven formula hoping that it will be as successful for them but although Lazarev is easy on the eye, he’s not as hot as Zelmerlöw but more significantly his vocals are nowhere near as strong.

The Netherlands

Song: Slow Down

Performed by: Douwe Bob

Slow Down? I’m worried if this song makes us slow down any further we may slip into a coma and die. We are not saying that all songs need to be disco tracks. Far from it. We enjoy a mixture of up tempo tracks and ballads but this song can best be described as “meh”!

Germany

Song: Ghost

Performed by: Jamie-Lee

It’s official. Germany has just stopped caring about Eurovision. After finishing rock bottom 12 months ago it seems they are punishing the rest of Europe for not giving them a few more points.

This year’s German representative is Jamie-Lee. If you can imagine a scenario where X-Factor flop Cher Lloyd becomes a harajuku girl and decides to sing in the Eurovision Song Contest then you’ve pretty much got Jamie-Lee. It doesn’t help that the song is poor and doesn’t build to much.

 

Featured image credit: Anna Velikova (EBU)

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